[Image by WOKANDAPIX of Pixabay]
Imagine you’ve just delivered a presentation (keynote or seminar) to your client (prospect or team) and you ask your peer (or boss) the following: “So what did you think?” You get this reply: “Great.” One could say you received feedback but there’s another word for it which is anxious niceness.
I first heard this term used in a Ted Talk by Tessa West. In case you happen to be unfamiliar with this term, according to Vijay W it means sidestepping feedback and is typically observed in tense or social scenarios and results in vague compliments. The implications can be far reaching and result in stifling growth, perpetuating inequality and eroding trust.
While it may feel good initially to hear words like “great or good” what does that actually mean? Here are ways to potentially combat this:
- Be selective. Only seek feedback from individuals whom you trust.
- Preface your request: You may want to say “Please be candid about my performance as I’m interested in improving.” “I’m motivated to hear what worked well and what didn’t work.“
- Request clarification. You may want to say “What is an example of my being genuine?” or “When did you notice that I avoid looking at the audience?“
- Offer a sincere thank you. You may want to say “I truly appreciate the feedback you’ve provided me; thank you for your efforts at helping me grow.“
If you’ve been listening to my recent podcasts, I offered suggestions on how to both give and receive feedback. Many of my clients dread feedback however it’s critical to learning and growing. Too often we encounter anxious niceness, as I’ve just described. If you’d like to counter this type of behavior, it requires some practice but is well worth the effort.
If you find you have questions or comments about this post, as always you’re welcome to contact me. I’m always interested in helping you.